Jeudi 3 Juillet 2008 à 20:11
Cet américain fou m'a écrit pour que je l'aide à être hébergé pendant qu'il voyage en Ecosse. Il faut comprendre l'anglais. Mais il a l'air fou dans le bon sens américain fou pas trop américain. Bref j'ai ri.
"I have been bored of late so I decided I am going to conquer England and
Europe. I figure conquering England will take about 4 days, yes, I am that
much of a bad ass, Rambo has nothing on me, and the rest of Europe about 4
weeks, a lot of terrain to cover don't you know. Once I finish my conquest I
will be a kind and benevolent ruler on Saturdays, but an evil dictator the
rest of the time, demanding that everybody bring me sacrifices of gouda cheese and bowls of lucky charms breakfast cereal with everything but the
marshmallows painstakingly removed by the hands of my adoring serfs.
Everyone will have to wear funny
hats, and speak backwards on the second
Thursday of the month. The door the cartoon world and the real
world will be thrown open, and Homer Simpson will be appointed king of
France, Tom and Jerry (or Itchy and Scratchy) his vicious royal musketeers. I
may give
Amsterdam to Bart. Gosh, it would be paradise, with MacDonald's
happy meals and Lucky Charms breakfast cereal for all.
Who is this lunatic
writing me you might ask? I am but a humble wayfarer soon to arrive in your town, and request the kindness of your hospitality (forget that dictator
bit), and I bid you greetings and salutations, fellow rogue,
gypsy traveler, couch surfer, denizen of the wide world, and surfer of
cyberspace. From what corner of this wide world do I hail? Why the land of
sunshine and oranges and Miami Vice of course. You guessed it, Florida,
USA. Florida is not actually a democracy as people have been lead to believe,
but rather a monarchy, ruled over by that lovable tyrant Mickey Mouse from
his huge fortress of Disney World. From his throne atop Space Mountain he
rules with a iron, albeit covered in a soft white glove, fist.
Nothing goes in Florida without his high-pitched say. Where do I hail from
specifically in this great Florida kingdom? Why the Hamlet of Gainesville,
formally
known as Hogtowne, is where I practice my trades. Which trade you
might wonder ? As a cover for my occupation of aspiring world conqueror, I am
a school teacher who now has a much deserved summer break and intends to
invade, whoops I mean travel, to England,
Ireland and Germany, the lands of
my ancestors. I have 2 months, and am going to rent a car and
travel around England, Scotland and Wales, then afterwards Germany and
Ireland, and request the kindness of your hospitality when I arrive in your
neck of the woods. It's the road trip U.K. (plus Germany), and is bound to
be full of Wacky adventures (trademarked.) They are going to write tales
about it, believe me. So if you, humble citizen, would like to be a part
of history, (my history anyway,) by providing a bit of straw for this
humble wayfarer to sleep on away from the cold and the wolves (are there
still wolves in
Europe?), it would be most welcome. I will be in Glasgow
Tuesday July 8 and Wednesday July 9. If you can put me up for one or more
days, it would be most appreciated. I may even have a place for you in
my government after my invasion succeeds. Wait, I meant
to say, I'll be
happy to buy you a pint and try and entertain you with some tales. Since time
is short, if I can stay at your place, please give me a contact phone
number so that if we don't get back to each other in time thru E-mail, that I
can give you a call and arrange specifics. In the meantime, if you
have time, you can tell about yourself as well. Hopes, dreams, ambitions.
Anything. What is your take on Cartesian Dualism? What is your favorite
breakfast cereal? Do you really think that frosted Lucky Charms are
“magically” delicious, and if so what kind of sorcery, or do you think the
“magic” is more a product of the toxic addictive chemicals spewed out from
a definitely non-elfin laboratory, the hapless
Lucky charms leprechaun just a
mere pawn in a larger wicked game? Write about whatever you want. But do
write me back if you can provide my humble wayfaring self with a place to
flop down for the night. And gain the sense of satisfaction that you may
have saved me from the wolves that have an appetite for travelers sleeping
out unsheltered in the hills. Thanks. Your hospitality
is appreciated.
Cheers,
Louis "